.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's the barista slut.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
