if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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