This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
