Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
