Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
