first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
