Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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