shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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