Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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