Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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