He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
