did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
