I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize