DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
