can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Houston, we have a squirter
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
