dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
