someone get that fucking seahorse.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
