Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
