ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
