i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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