I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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