How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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