So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
