I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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