i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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