No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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