Sry I called you an 8
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
