Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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