I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
