More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
