I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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