too bad you live with your parents still
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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