I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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