i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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