Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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