By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
