im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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