good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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