If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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