would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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