I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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