just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
