There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
