She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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