i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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