they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
