ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
