He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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