Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
