Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
