I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
