Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
