you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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