I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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