Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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