I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
