She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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