youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
