If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
