He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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