Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Randomize
