Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
