I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
