question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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