Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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