I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
