i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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