i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
