Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
