I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
