she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
