White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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