peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
