Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize