I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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