I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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