party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
