i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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