Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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