it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
