break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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