Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
