seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize