would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
