i can't believe i had my finger in that
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
