fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
