Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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